19 posts tagged “school”
i took this weird nap around 6 and woke up at 10. now i'm not tired and i'm going to be up all night. great job to me. i guess i'll just have a hardcore vent sesh. i feel like there's so much i want to pore out, but i don't know how much i'll end up bringing to the table. i feel like there's so much going on and i just don't know what to do sometimes. i'm probably going to spend most of the day tomorrow figuring it out. i'm in such a good mood and a good place, but at the same time, i feel like it's not enough, or like it's empty in a way. i feel like i'm sort of half slacking off, but i am trying. i just don't know what i'm spending my time on. i should really write it down sometime, like, next week. i'm listening to HIM right now and reminiscing about life, a bit. that band got me through some difficult times... but not without leaving scars unfortunately. it was what i enjoyed listening to at the time, but it wasn't the most uplifting music or the best choice. i guess as long as i'm alive it served its purpose, but i would've just forced rogue wave or the decemberists on myself if i could go back to then. then again, i like where i am. that's the thing with wishing you could change something or wanting to change something. i like my life right now and i wouldn't change anything. once you notice you're in a good place, you're alive and you have what you need, the past isn't as important. once you notice that if you were to go back in time and change something, you'd come back and things would be different, maybe you rethink. i always think like this; if i was to go back in time and give myself rogue wave instead of him, yeah, i might not have as many scars. i might have liked it, i might have hated it. whatever works, works. as long as whatever i was listening to was able to give me some sort of therapeutic reasoning, i have no regrets about listening to it. i think my life has a sort of rich history that not everyone has. not everyone has experiences like me. i've traveled, i've nights of terrible depression on the brink of self-destruction and nights where i just want the day to never end because it was so beautiful. i had my tough time and it just makes me that much better of a person. i wouldn't change a thing about my life in the past. i have so much material to save for later ! i have so many things i could make films about. plus, i have great friends, i'm in love, i have decent grades, i'm happy with who i am... it seems like enough to not want to change a thing. i'd be too afraid that something would get taken away. i don't want anything to leave.
i feel myself getting a sort of senioritis. people say when you're a senior you totally slack off in school and they call it senioritis. you're just rushing to get out and don't care how your grades go. i'm sort of feeling it, a bit. i've been half slacking, i suppose. i think i have at least an A or B in every subject. nothing lower. i'm in two clubs i'll have a leadership position in each next year. i run my own business. i read a lot, hence, i'll probably do decent on the SAT (but i do need to study more). i know there are places i'm lacking. no, i don't do sports, but i don't think film schools really mind. over the summer i'm hoping to build up a kickass portfolio. what else can i really do? i know i need to look more into colleges, and now that's it's late at night i'm thinking clearly. i know i'll get some excellent letters of reccomendation from my teachers. what else do i really need? i guess i could put more effort in my clubs. lately i've been slacking. maybe it's just this week i was really distracted with my love interest, hehe. i sort of slightly ditched both clubs, but it wasn't completely necessary to be there anyway. i think i missed some sort of national honor society meeting or something, but i feel like i miss everything lately. just last week i was sort of slacking a bit i suppose. tomorrow i think i'll spend a few hardcore hours on my ap paper and english essay. i want to get everything done tomorrow so i can have fun on sunday at guggenheim and make next week a little less stressful. i know when i wake up tomorrow i'll probably not be thinking this way, but i really want next week to be a bit less stressful than what i'm anticipating it to be. things just don't seem to be calming down the way i want them to. i think i'll be up until around 3AM tonight, just because of that dumbass nap i took in the middle of the day, ugh. i just noticed how i've been pretty much been typing non-stop for the past few minutes, without thinking at all about it. it just comes out so effortlessly. i'm going to write a few more paragraphs. i have things to talk about. don't bother reading on, really. it's just venting.
today we were supposed to be doing this thing for this club, blah. it was some sort of a craft project type thing and i was sort of eh about going. i was sort of preoccupied with the fact that any day i stay after and don't hang out with my love interest [it's so odd that i'm going to be repeatedly using this phrase, but for some reason i always feel awkward using the real name. i'm not sure why. i never like using people's real names when i'm blogging. it's just sort of odd or foreign to me]. i feel sort of like an alcoholic or something, except i'm addicted to our conversations and just him in general. when i stay after and he's not there, it feels empty. it feels incomplete and i feel like i need more. i'm an addict i guess. it's so strange. it sounds sort of like dependency, slightly, and that sort of scares me. but anyway, i was supposed to do this thing for this club, but ended up meeting with said love interest while i was on my way to going there. we just hung out for a solid half hour, hour, with the occasional "'i should probably go do that thing,' 'then go,' 'but i don't want to go,' 'then don't'" exchange of words. haha. unfortunately, i enjoy talking to him so much that i just don't really want to do anything else. it's like, once you've gotten the best thing, you don't want to go back to the suckish thing. ugh, i hate how i sound like a total drug addict. anyway, so we were walking around, and around, and around, everywhere. that's sort of our thing since like, last week. we just walk around together, just us, and talk endlessly about things that don't matter to half the population of the earth. we have so much in common that it doesn't matter. we could talk about string cheese or something, and it would last a while in conversation. i think we have spoken about string cheese before, actually. we can just pretty much talk about anything and have a good conversation. we were just walking and talking and then i ran into a friend of mine, who is in the club that i was ditching. it was sort of incredibly awkward, seeing as this friend and i sort of always had this sort of flirtatious type friendship. it's like that friend you always sort unintentionally flirt with and almost like 800 times but never really do. he seemed extra shaky, a bit uncomfortable and possibly jealous. i'm not sure if it's just me sort of flattering myself or that was what was really up, but it was sort of awkward. it was such an oddly placed dose of reality. i half despised it, i guess. when you have such good chemistry and conversation with someone, you're in a separate world, almost. the reality that i had a sort of obligation was sort of bullshit, haha, but i guess it's what i needed. but we've been spending so much time together that.. i don't know. there's just nowhere else i'd rather be anymore.
i feel myself getting a sort of senioritis. people say when you're a senior you totally slack off in school and they call it senioritis. you're just rushing to get out and don't care how your grades go. i'm sort of feeling it, a bit. i've been half slacking, i suppose. i think i have at least an A or B in every subject. nothing lower. i'm in two clubs i'll have a leadership position in each next year. i run my own business. i read a lot, hence, i'll probably do decent on the SAT (but i do need to study more). i know there are places i'm lacking. no, i don't do sports, but i don't think film schools really mind. over the summer i'm hoping to build up a kickass portfolio. what else can i really do? i know i need to look more into colleges, and now that's it's late at night i'm thinking clearly. i know i'll get some excellent letters of reccomendation from my teachers. what else do i really need? i guess i could put more effort in my clubs. lately i've been slacking. maybe it's just this week i was really distracted with my love interest, hehe. i sort of slightly ditched both clubs, but it wasn't completely necessary to be there anyway. i think i missed some sort of national honor society meeting or something, but i feel like i miss everything lately. just last week i was sort of slacking a bit i suppose. tomorrow i think i'll spend a few hardcore hours on my ap paper and english essay. i want to get everything done tomorrow so i can have fun on sunday at guggenheim and make next week a little less stressful. i know when i wake up tomorrow i'll probably not be thinking this way, but i really want next week to be a bit less stressful than what i'm anticipating it to be. things just don't seem to be calming down the way i want them to. i think i'll be up until around 3AM tonight, just because of that dumbass nap i took in the middle of the day, ugh. i just noticed how i've been pretty much been typing non-stop for the past few minutes, without thinking at all about it. it just comes out so effortlessly. i'm going to write a few more paragraphs. i have things to talk about. don't bother reading on, really. it's just venting.
today we were supposed to be doing this thing for this club, blah. it was some sort of a craft project type thing and i was sort of eh about going. i was sort of preoccupied with the fact that any day i stay after and don't hang out with my love interest [it's so odd that i'm going to be repeatedly using this phrase, but for some reason i always feel awkward using the real name. i'm not sure why. i never like using people's real names when i'm blogging. it's just sort of odd or foreign to me]. i feel sort of like an alcoholic or something, except i'm addicted to our conversations and just him in general. when i stay after and he's not there, it feels empty. it feels incomplete and i feel like i need more. i'm an addict i guess. it's so strange. it sounds sort of like dependency, slightly, and that sort of scares me. but anyway, i was supposed to do this thing for this club, but ended up meeting with said love interest while i was on my way to going there. we just hung out for a solid half hour, hour, with the occasional "'i should probably go do that thing,' 'then go,' 'but i don't want to go,' 'then don't'" exchange of words. haha. unfortunately, i enjoy talking to him so much that i just don't really want to do anything else. it's like, once you've gotten the best thing, you don't want to go back to the suckish thing. ugh, i hate how i sound like a total drug addict. anyway, so we were walking around, and around, and around, everywhere. that's sort of our thing since like, last week. we just walk around together, just us, and talk endlessly about things that don't matter to half the population of the earth. we have so much in common that it doesn't matter. we could talk about string cheese or something, and it would last a while in conversation. i think we have spoken about string cheese before, actually. we can just pretty much talk about anything and have a good conversation. we were just walking and talking and then i ran into a friend of mine, who is in the club that i was ditching. it was sort of incredibly awkward, seeing as this friend and i sort of always had this sort of flirtatious type friendship. it's like that friend you always sort unintentionally flirt with and almost like 800 times but never really do. he seemed extra shaky, a bit uncomfortable and possibly jealous. i'm not sure if it's just me sort of flattering myself or that was what was really up, but it was sort of awkward. it was such an oddly placed dose of reality. i half despised it, i guess. when you have such good chemistry and conversation with someone, you're in a separate world, almost. the reality that i had a sort of obligation was sort of bullshit, haha, but i guess it's what i needed. but we've been spending so much time together that.. i don't know. there's just nowhere else i'd rather be anymore.
i need to regain focus. i've been in this apathetic mood for the past few weeks and i'm getting fed up with my lack of motivation. my priorities completely changed and it's not like i'm getting bad grades, it's just my mind is constantly in a different place and on particular people. i don't want to get swept away too fast and i've been trying really hard to slow myself down in terms of my feelings. i tend to fall fast, hard and get completely swept away, really fast. i hate that about myself sometimes. i don't want to get my heart broken over and over again. i know i tend to not be too empathetic with some other people, but i always want a safety net. sometimes i'm empathetic just because i usually have a lot on my mind. i know i should care more. i expect people to care how i feel and a lot of the time i ignore the feelings of others. i feel bad now. anyway, i just don't want to get hurt too bad. it's to the point where if i don't see him i feel sad. if i just saw him and got to speak to him at least once a day, i think i'd be fine. he is just my favorite person to talk to. everytime we talk i learn something new about him and usually i just like him even more. at times i feel like i'd be so much better if he could just always be in my life. someone i can relate to and share feelings with that makes me feel so warm inside. i don't know if i've ever felt so strongly towards anyone else... maybe once or twice. it's just like, the fact that i'm unsure of his feelings thus far, kills me. i think everyone is aware of my feelings. i feel like i'm coming onto him too much, now that i think about it. everyone who has ever seen me speaking with him, immediately knows i like him. when we first spoke, i instantly liked him. i wasn't expecting him to share so much interest with me. i feel tempted to say that i'm in love with him... but my fears of commitment and dependency are too large, as well as my fear of being hurt. i know i'm probably not the prettiest girl in the world, i know i'm probably not the nicest girl in the world, i know i'm probably not the most deserving girl in the world, but i think it's evident i try hard and i don't know. ugh, i ramble on about this every time i come here. i'm so tempted to just say this all to him, but i'm so scared at the same time. it's starting to upset me, how far i've been sucked into this. i need a distraction, but i get reminded of him over such small things. hahaha. now i'm feeling silly. anyway, i guess i'll watch a movie and be done with all this. i want it to be tomorrow already, so i can get eternal sunshine back and watch it 24/7.
i think too much. it was really sunny today. i decided not to stay after school and just come home. i still haven't called my parents to tell them that, but whatever. i'm listeing to rogue wave and being a mope-y weenie, but i;m actually okay with it. i was going to apply for national honor society, but i'm starting to have second thoughts. my etsy sales are picking up and i got a convo this morning for a wholesale inquiry ! i'm madly excited. i've officially decided that listening to chicago x 12 while feeling sad is the greatest medication anywhere. i was probably just about to right a sort of asshole blog entry, but it got fixed by rogue wave's cheerful beats. now it's being followed by badly drawn boy. (: the world seems to know what i need.
i was going to apply for national honor society, but i'm having doubts on if i'll be able to keep up with everything. i already gave one teacher a recommendation to fill out.. i have two more. other than that, i need a recommendation from some community manager type. i did some community service over the summer but i don't know if they'd fill it out for me, ugh. hehe. i don't know. i've filled out most of the application and noticed that i'm not much of an over-achiever. i've gotten a little lazier this year in terms of extracurriculars, or maybe i was lazy to begin with. i don't know. i'll just have procrastinated recommendations and try to volunteer tomorrow and such. who knows what will happen, but all i learned is, some things mean more than school. i learned it yesterday-ish.
yesterday morning i was talking to my mom. she was upset about some things and needed to vent. in that moment, i became proud of myself as i spoke to her. i've grown so much, and in some way, grown more than my older siblings. being an aspiring filmmaker, i figured out my whole immediate family history. the misconceptions, the wrong turns, the wrong blames. things that haunt and sadden us, as well as things we enjoy to reminisce about. i'm not that into venting about my family or home life. there isn't much to vent about anymore. try me three years ago for it. it's just, i'm so proud i could see things people don't. i can explain the conflicts and inner-workings of my family who was screwed up for so long and i figured out why. i turned a lifelong villain into a friend. i overcame the fact that i felt ignored for so long and made amends with someone i thought i'd hated. i think i've been brave in my decisions and my thoughts. thinking back just makes me love myself a little more. i've achieved something that others in my family have not, and that's love for each of them. in my family it seems as though each of us always have someone we dislike or even hate, but not me. i've grown to love each of them, no matter how they may or may not have hurt me. without knowing the history, you may not be able to see, but if you would've known me then, you could see how far i've come.
<-- i found this on etsy the other day. kurt vonnegut is seriously, one of my favorite people to ever live. he's my soul mate, we were just born in the wrong decades. someday we'll be together, haha. not for his looks, for his mind. we thought sort of the same. i love his dark humor. i love how his books are so apocalyptic and full of the fall of humanity. it sounds weird, but i guess it's only for those who understand. it's hard for me to find someone i can really talk to about vonnegut's works and such. some people just don't understand my fascination with the apocalypse and the fall of humanity. i guess i wouldn't either if it wasn't me. i don't know, but i love this pin. it's the essence of vonnegut for a high school student.
i really want this shirt ! i love timber ! his art is so amazing and it has such great texture to it. i have yet to buy something from him, but if my wholesale inquiry goes well then i'll probably be buying more than that ! hehe. i'm really excited. if it goes through i won't have to worry about money for a good while, and hopefully i could eventually accumulate enough for my camcorder by next year ! i'm really hoping, hoping, hoping ! hehe. anyway, i love the illustration on this v-neck.
i was going to apply for national honor society, but i'm having doubts on if i'll be able to keep up with everything. i already gave one teacher a recommendation to fill out.. i have two more. other than that, i need a recommendation from some community manager type. i did some community service over the summer but i don't know if they'd fill it out for me, ugh. hehe. i don't know. i've filled out most of the application and noticed that i'm not much of an over-achiever. i've gotten a little lazier this year in terms of extracurriculars, or maybe i was lazy to begin with. i don't know. i'll just have procrastinated recommendations and try to volunteer tomorrow and such. who knows what will happen, but all i learned is, some things mean more than school. i learned it yesterday-ish.
yesterday morning i was talking to my mom. she was upset about some things and needed to vent. in that moment, i became proud of myself as i spoke to her. i've grown so much, and in some way, grown more than my older siblings. being an aspiring filmmaker, i figured out my whole immediate family history. the misconceptions, the wrong turns, the wrong blames. things that haunt and sadden us, as well as things we enjoy to reminisce about. i'm not that into venting about my family or home life. there isn't much to vent about anymore. try me three years ago for it. it's just, i'm so proud i could see things people don't. i can explain the conflicts and inner-workings of my family who was screwed up for so long and i figured out why. i turned a lifelong villain into a friend. i overcame the fact that i felt ignored for so long and made amends with someone i thought i'd hated. i think i've been brave in my decisions and my thoughts. thinking back just makes me love myself a little more. i've achieved something that others in my family have not, and that's love for each of them. in my family it seems as though each of us always have someone we dislike or even hate, but not me. i've grown to love each of them, no matter how they may or may not have hurt me. without knowing the history, you may not be able to see, but if you would've known me then, you could see how far i've come.
the school year is over. i just have finals left. it's time to reminisce and reflect on what i've gained, lost and learned. this might be a long one. i started off this year with a passion for filmmaking and nothing much else. i had pretty good friends who always wanted to hang out, but the emptiness i felt was also overwhelming. i was friends with a lot of people who took pride in material things more than people. i was friends with people who weren't happy, and probably will never be. i thought i had the best i could get, but what i found this year is that it's better to be friends with people that will make you feel better about you already have, and make you desire less. a few people i knew were just clouds of negativity who always cared so much about what other people thought, and in turn, made me feel the same shitty way. that was then, this is now. now i live my life by my rules. i don't limit myself at all when it comes to friends. if i like someone and want to be friends with them, i don't care what they look like, how much money they have or how many friends they have. a person is a person no matter what caste, race or religion. i made so many cool new friends this year who may not be as "cool" as my old ones, but i keep both. i kept some of my friends from last year and lost some. i kept the ones with value that make me feel like i have value, and that's what's important to me.
some key events of the year; spending weeks and days at media art honor society, multicultural club field trip, conversations with mr. solomon, presenting at ap conference, swooning over mr. kuletsky, everyday in biology class. ap conference was really the icing on the cake though. good food, good presentation, confidence and good public speaking i didn't know i had. when i feel confident about something, i just become a different and better person. i'm so happy i got to experience that this year. it was so rewarding. other than that, i was happy that anyone could deal with my kuletsky mega-obsession. i guess it's typical of high school to have some sort of a teacher crush, but this one, pretty much everyone was aware of, except mr. kuletsky of course. it had to be one of my most shallow infatuations ever. he's 23-ish, not old, and he's so nerdy looking, but i love it. i've heard mixed responses as to how he is in personality, both being arrogant or nice. he has such a manly demeanor, he's so hot ! but i've spoken to jared leto more than i've spoken to him, meaning, i've never spoken to him. but yeah, it's basically summed up by the fact that i drew hearts all over his part of the english teacher page while signing my sister's yearbook. (:
i have morals now, more than i had then. i've been striving to be a better person and it's going to happen. i've gained so much out of everything i've done lately, and i want to continue. one thing i've gained this year, is etsy, and we all know how it turned out and has changed my life eternally. and i'd also like to add, LOST was amazing this year and has always been, and hopefully, will always be !
some key events of the year; spending weeks and days at media art honor society, multicultural club field trip, conversations with mr. solomon, presenting at ap conference, swooning over mr. kuletsky, everyday in biology class. ap conference was really the icing on the cake though. good food, good presentation, confidence and good public speaking i didn't know i had. when i feel confident about something, i just become a different and better person. i'm so happy i got to experience that this year. it was so rewarding. other than that, i was happy that anyone could deal with my kuletsky mega-obsession. i guess it's typical of high school to have some sort of a teacher crush, but this one, pretty much everyone was aware of, except mr. kuletsky of course. it had to be one of my most shallow infatuations ever. he's 23-ish, not old, and he's so nerdy looking, but i love it. i've heard mixed responses as to how he is in personality, both being arrogant or nice. he has such a manly demeanor, he's so hot ! but i've spoken to jared leto more than i've spoken to him, meaning, i've never spoken to him. but yeah, it's basically summed up by the fact that i drew hearts all over his part of the english teacher page while signing my sister's yearbook. (:
i have morals now, more than i had then. i've been striving to be a better person and it's going to happen. i've gained so much out of everything i've done lately, and i want to continue. one thing i've gained this year, is etsy, and we all know how it turned out and has changed my life eternally. and i'd also like to add, LOST was amazing this year and has always been, and hopefully, will always be !
<-- whale necklace, $7. I ONLY HAVE ONE LEFT SO GET IT WHILE YOU CAN ! it's the second to last day of school and everything seems so final. i hate how it's like everything is ending, but i'm happy next year will be like new. i just don't know what i want my summer to be. i guess i have options, but i don't know what i want exactly. i guess i'll find out when i should. i don't know what i want yet, or maybe i do. i feel like what i really want would never happen, or it could but it wouldn't end well. i don't know if i'm thinking to much or if i'm thinking correctly. everything is just kind of a big mess in my head. i don't know if i'm thinking straight, but i guess i don't like what i am thinking, but i can't change it. i wish i cared a lot less, but i just care the same amount anyway. it's just that every year i care less about friends and more about school, and i like that. maybe next year i'll successfully just focus on school. maybe i'll be a lot happier then.
i've been watching a lot of LOST lately. i'm watching the whole show over again. i'm still in season one. i'm just loving it even more everyday. everything is coming so fast. the end of LOST is also approaching and it's so strange because i feel like it has been on for so long. it's only been four years, and although four is a small number the amount of days is so big. i guess i never really noticed how much i've changed since i started watching LOST in 2005 [i missed the first season]. i was a totally different person then. i was goth and depressed with not that many friends. i mean, i had a few, but not as many great friends as i do now. now i feel like i know who my friends are and i'm not just trying to get by like i did in middle school. i don't have to be someone anymore because i'm just whoever. i'm not the goth kid or the punk kid, i'm just that kid. i don't really have a distinct identity or use, i'm just jamie. of course, people know me for different things and different ways and i'm still as exciting as i've ever been, if not more. i like where i am right now, sort of. i guess i'll just bring myself where life takes me. let the world pick where i'll go, so i can pick who i'll be. "let the world change you and you can change the world."
i've been watching a lot of LOST lately. i'm watching the whole show over again. i'm still in season one. i'm just loving it even more everyday. everything is coming so fast. the end of LOST is also approaching and it's so strange because i feel like it has been on for so long. it's only been four years, and although four is a small number the amount of days is so big. i guess i never really noticed how much i've changed since i started watching LOST in 2005 [i missed the first season]. i was a totally different person then. i was goth and depressed with not that many friends. i mean, i had a few, but not as many great friends as i do now. now i feel like i know who my friends are and i'm not just trying to get by like i did in middle school. i don't have to be someone anymore because i'm just whoever. i'm not the goth kid or the punk kid, i'm just that kid. i don't really have a distinct identity or use, i'm just jamie. of course, people know me for different things and different ways and i'm still as exciting as i've ever been, if not more. i like where i am right now, sort of. i guess i'll just bring myself where life takes me. let the world pick where i'll go, so i can pick who i'll be. "let the world change you and you can change the world."
shipping to california tomorrow ! yum. i think i should get a world map and mark off all the places i've shipped to, although the only international orders i've had have been to sweden and canada... i need some more.
today was interesting. our school newspaper came out and the article i wrote about etsy got in, of course. who can resist an etsy article? and although i only mentioned famous sellers on etsy, [for the sake of familiarity] hopefully it will add to the pool of buyers and sellers, even if it's just within my own school. but along with that came my sister's article about my etsy shop. it's fantastic publicity, i must admit, but i fear it's going to mean i'll have to work a lot harder and produce a lot more because a lot more eyes will be watching and critiquing, but i must admit that it is what i need. one of the qualities i greatly lack is the ability to accept criticism lightly without taking it to heart. i'm pretty good at faking it, but in reality, i'm not very good at accepting it. i like for things to be in line and for everyone to like what i do, although i know it's impossible. i need to create a lot more than i have been and i'm kind of upset at myself for not working to my full potential these past few weeks, with the exception of ap conference, which i must admit, i worked my ass off for all year.
other then that, all i need to talk about is the lost finale ! it was really great, but not as explosive as season three. [spoiler alert: from this point forward, if you don't watch lost and plan on it, are currently watching previous episodes of lost or watched lost religiously until last night cos you forgot, don't read on please !] i must say, when jin and michael died i did not feel as though jin had died at all. i don't know if i just haven't accepted the truth yet or if maybe he's not really dead, but either way, sun's actress was amazing ! i really love desmond and penny, so i was ecstatic and in tears when they finally reunited. i think desmond is one of my favorite characters of the whole series; maybe even my favorite. his storylines are just the ones i seem to enjoy the most and the ones that bring me to tears. plus, i really love his name. i didn't particularly love the whole 'ben moves the island' bit. i thought it was pretty dumb how he was moving this wheel and looking like he was constipated or something. i just didn't love it, but i'm sure the lost writers will explain somethin more about it to make me eat my words. but i did love the didgeridoo sound the island made before it disappeared and the subtlety of its departure. i can't believe there are only two seasons left. it seems like it's so close, yet, so far. that year is the same year i'm graduating from high school. couldn't be more perfectly timed ! lost is my favorite show ever ! but back to the finale, in terms of locke, i was just waiting for his eyes to open at the end ! he has died once before when ben killed him on the island, but now i don't want to believe he is dead either. he is just such a vital character to the show and nothing would be the same without his presence to cancel out jack's. i'm not jack's biggest fan, i've been a sawyer fan the whole time, but watching jack fall apart at the seams has been one of my favorite parts of the show since last season. lost is just so explosive, i love it so much !
today was interesting. our school newspaper came out and the article i wrote about etsy got in, of course. who can resist an etsy article? and although i only mentioned famous sellers on etsy, [for the sake of familiarity] hopefully it will add to the pool of buyers and sellers, even if it's just within my own school. but along with that came my sister's article about my etsy shop. it's fantastic publicity, i must admit, but i fear it's going to mean i'll have to work a lot harder and produce a lot more because a lot more eyes will be watching and critiquing, but i must admit that it is what i need. one of the qualities i greatly lack is the ability to accept criticism lightly without taking it to heart. i'm pretty good at faking it, but in reality, i'm not very good at accepting it. i like for things to be in line and for everyone to like what i do, although i know it's impossible. i need to create a lot more than i have been and i'm kind of upset at myself for not working to my full potential these past few weeks, with the exception of ap conference, which i must admit, i worked my ass off for all year.
other then that, all i need to talk about is the lost finale ! it was really great, but not as explosive as season three. [spoiler alert: from this point forward, if you don't watch lost and plan on it, are currently watching previous episodes of lost or watched lost religiously until last night cos you forgot, don't read on please !] i must say, when jin and michael died i did not feel as though jin had died at all. i don't know if i just haven't accepted the truth yet or if maybe he's not really dead, but either way, sun's actress was amazing ! i really love desmond and penny, so i was ecstatic and in tears when they finally reunited. i think desmond is one of my favorite characters of the whole series; maybe even my favorite. his storylines are just the ones i seem to enjoy the most and the ones that bring me to tears. plus, i really love his name. i didn't particularly love the whole 'ben moves the island' bit. i thought it was pretty dumb how he was moving this wheel and looking like he was constipated or something. i just didn't love it, but i'm sure the lost writers will explain somethin more about it to make me eat my words. but i did love the didgeridoo sound the island made before it disappeared and the subtlety of its departure. i can't believe there are only two seasons left. it seems like it's so close, yet, so far. that year is the same year i'm graduating from high school. couldn't be more perfectly timed ! lost is my favorite show ever ! but back to the finale, in terms of locke, i was just waiting for his eyes to open at the end ! he has died once before when ben killed him on the island, but now i don't want to believe he is dead either. he is just such a vital character to the show and nothing would be the same without his presence to cancel out jack's. i'm not jack's biggest fan, i've been a sawyer fan the whole time, but watching jack fall apart at the seams has been one of my favorite parts of the show since last season. lost is just so explosive, i love it so much !
<-- key ball chain, $1.25. destashin' available at my etsy shop ! today was just so tranquil, and i loved it. i just felt like problems from yesterday should remain in yesterday, and they did. i think watching eternal sunshine last night really gave me more peace of mind. i think that film and i have a spiritual connection of sorts; it never ceases to make me incredibly happy and carefree. i think i should marry michel gondry ! haha, although he is too old for me, that film is just like, my sanctuary ! good times, bad times. i wish i would've watched it the night before the ap test. i could've used the extra strength, maybe. but sometime soon i'd like to really stop dwelling in the past. what's done is done with that ap test and i'm tired of it dwelling in my mind what i could've done. i did the best i can, i did the best i can. the biggest reward was the whole class itself, and i learned so much i wouldn't have known otherwise. i'm so much more cultured, i know about world religions. i could converse with muslims about islam and hindus about hinduism. i could converse with buddhists about buddhism and with zoroastrianists about zoroastrianism. everything i've gained outweighs the test itself. i need to think of that more often.
today is the american idol finale. david vs. david and i still can't decide who should win. i like cook better but i think arch would make a better idol. i don't know, i don't want to suck up more than four sentences on this but i really think archuletta should win. cook is an established artist who could get a greater record deal elsewhere. the end.
everything just went incredibly well today. i'm still kind of eh about what i'm wearing to ap conference. i need to be sure soon. it's so close and i'm so excited to present ! i've been working so hard on it, and it's just so exciting. i can't wait for it to be next week and for there to be only two real school days for me ! (:
today is the american idol finale. david vs. david and i still can't decide who should win. i like cook better but i think arch would make a better idol. i don't know, i don't want to suck up more than four sentences on this but i really think archuletta should win. cook is an established artist who could get a greater record deal elsewhere. the end.
everything just went incredibly well today. i'm still kind of eh about what i'm wearing to ap conference. i need to be sure soon. it's so close and i'm so excited to present ! i've been working so hard on it, and it's just so exciting. i can't wait for it to be next week and for there to be only two real school days for me ! (:
lately i've been feeling like i've been such an ass. i've been really moody, and really sensitive at times. i just don't like these new and constant mood swings. all day today i had a sort of 'fuck everything' attitude. my nose looks huge in my self-portrait by the way; it doesn't normally look that big, but for some reason it does in that picture. i don't know. i need to watch more movies, or read more novels ! but i'm pretty wrapped up in studying for my AP test. i'm aiming for a 5, but i'd be happy with a 3 or 4 as well. since i only have one, as i said, i feel like i have no excuse to not do really well. i've been studying a lot, and i hope it pays off in the end. still haven't made an etsy sale lately. maybe my confidence left with my sales. i don't know, but i don't like how i've been. everything just seems to come naturally. i need to work harder at everything. i need to be better than i am. damn, damn, damn, maybe that's me fucking things up again. i'm really at a loss for ideas on what to do. i guess i should just go watch ugly betty and live with it. i just seem to be getting tired of everyone. i'm all over the place and it sucks. i don't know how i feel about anything or anyone. who would know if i don't?
today was just... odd. i liked it at times; it wasn't as terrible as i was anticipating. my main concern was that i wouldn't be able to do any of the yoga poses we're learning in gym class, yet again, but today was my day i guess. i could do basically all the poses we learned, and it was painful, but it felt good that i could do something for a change ! haha. i'm feeling very confident about my grade in biology this quarter though; i feel as though it is pretty much impossible for me to get lower than an A. this quarter is going by so fast, and the AP test is coming so soon; i don't know if i can keep up, but i think i'm going to start studying very soon. i need to practice up on my essay writing skills and get better at being an AP student. i don't feel like i poured much into school this quarter either. i feel like things just happened. i don't think my grade in AP world this quarter is going to be where it should be, at all. i always have to miss extra credit assignments because of media art honor society; but being in media art honor society is pretty important to me, so i guess that just means i should've worked harder.
as i said, today was quite odd. just cos my feelings and my mind were just, everywhere. i'm feeling a lot better than i did yesterday, but it's just not enough right now, i suppose. i guess i need something more, and i'm going to find it, and achieve it somehow. everything is just in such a jumble and a fog at the moment, and i want everything to be on track again like it was. i need some pets; i want some pets. just like, things, companions, to keep in my room. i guess maybe i'd like to feel that something is dependent on me in some way. i want to get fishes and a turtle. i wish i could get a seahorse as well, but those are probably harder to find. it'd be cool to have a shark, but maybe not so much in a few years. i actually really want an elephant, and i'll tell you why; for my next journalism article i convinced my teacher to let me write about something exotic... PAINTING ELEPHANTS. it's not a hoax, these elephants are artists ! click below and see ! i feel like it's going to be an amazing article; but i just love what animals can do !
as i said, today was quite odd. just cos my feelings and my mind were just, everywhere. i'm feeling a lot better than i did yesterday, but it's just not enough right now, i suppose. i guess i need something more, and i'm going to find it, and achieve it somehow. everything is just in such a jumble and a fog at the moment, and i want everything to be on track again like it was. i need some pets; i want some pets. just like, things, companions, to keep in my room. i guess maybe i'd like to feel that something is dependent on me in some way. i want to get fishes and a turtle. i wish i could get a seahorse as well, but those are probably harder to find. it'd be cool to have a shark, but maybe not so much in a few years. i actually really want an elephant, and i'll tell you why; for my next journalism article i convinced my teacher to let me write about something exotic... PAINTING ELEPHANTS. it's not a hoax, these elephants are artists ! click below and see ! i feel like it's going to be an amazing article; but i just love what animals can do !
all in all, today was pretty annoying. not one moment the whole day could i say i was honestly happy. i played on the sims 2 a lot. my sims are pretty kick ass i guess. they're pretty much, really liberal. everyone walks around in their underwear, just cos i'm too lazy to dress them all the time, and also cos i never make them sleep in pajamas. i have an old lady named sigurros [haha, duh] and she's married to some younger guy, one of the standard sims, named brandon. they adopted an african american child named samuel, who is now a teenager with a mohawk who sneaks out often. sigurros is really creative and a retired video editor. she gets 175 simoleons pension everyday. brandon is a detective and he gets paid handsomely daily. he is really bad at cooking, but he's pretty buff. samuel sucks at pretty much everything, except he has an A+ report card so he always comes home happy. he has a girlfriend named sophie. i don't know where she came from, but he brought her home with him from school one day. she gave him his first kiss, so they're cute i guess. they haven't woo-hooed yet. [by the way, on the sims 2, woo-hoo means fucking]. sigurros and brandon woo-hoo a lot. they woo-hoo in the hot tub and in bed. they're really into it. they make out a lot too, and dance around in their undergarments. yeah, my sims are pretty liberal, but not vegan. usually sigurros makes pork chops for dinner, and they almost always have cereal for breakfast, but i guess they could have it with soy milk, but who really knows i guess. those crazy sims. i'm planning on killing off sigurros soon, just cos she's been an old lady for so long, but i guess i would like nature to take its course. it just kind of sucks that the longest part of a sim's life is when they're older.
