1 post tagged “reminisce”
i think too much. it was really sunny today. i decided not to stay after school and just come home. i still haven't called my parents to tell them that, but whatever. i'm listeing to rogue wave and being a mope-y weenie, but i;m actually okay with it. i was going to apply for national honor society, but i'm starting to have second thoughts. my etsy sales are picking up and i got a convo this morning for a wholesale inquiry ! i'm madly excited. i've officially decided that listening to chicago x 12 while feeling sad is the greatest medication anywhere. i was probably just about to right a sort of asshole blog entry, but it got fixed by rogue wave's cheerful beats. now it's being followed by badly drawn boy. (: the world seems to know what i need.
i was going to apply for national honor society, but i'm having doubts on if i'll be able to keep up with everything. i already gave one teacher a recommendation to fill out.. i have two more. other than that, i need a recommendation from some community manager type. i did some community service over the summer but i don't know if they'd fill it out for me, ugh. hehe. i don't know. i've filled out most of the application and noticed that i'm not much of an over-achiever. i've gotten a little lazier this year in terms of extracurriculars, or maybe i was lazy to begin with. i don't know. i'll just have procrastinated recommendations and try to volunteer tomorrow and such. who knows what will happen, but all i learned is, some things mean more than school. i learned it yesterday-ish.
yesterday morning i was talking to my mom. she was upset about some things and needed to vent. in that moment, i became proud of myself as i spoke to her. i've grown so much, and in some way, grown more than my older siblings. being an aspiring filmmaker, i figured out my whole immediate family history. the misconceptions, the wrong turns, the wrong blames. things that haunt and sadden us, as well as things we enjoy to reminisce about. i'm not that into venting about my family or home life. there isn't much to vent about anymore. try me three years ago for it. it's just, i'm so proud i could see things people don't. i can explain the conflicts and inner-workings of my family who was screwed up for so long and i figured out why. i turned a lifelong villain into a friend. i overcame the fact that i felt ignored for so long and made amends with someone i thought i'd hated. i think i've been brave in my decisions and my thoughts. thinking back just makes me love myself a little more. i've achieved something that others in my family have not, and that's love for each of them. in my family it seems as though each of us always have someone we dislike or even hate, but not me. i've grown to love each of them, no matter how they may or may not have hurt me. without knowing the history, you may not be able to see, but if you would've known me then, you could see how far i've come.
<-- i found this on etsy the other day. kurt vonnegut is seriously, one of my favorite people to ever live. he's my soul mate, we were just born in the wrong decades. someday we'll be together, haha. not for his looks, for his mind. we thought sort of the same. i love his dark humor. i love how his books are so apocalyptic and full of the fall of humanity. it sounds weird, but i guess it's only for those who understand. it's hard for me to find someone i can really talk to about vonnegut's works and such. some people just don't understand my fascination with the apocalypse and the fall of humanity. i guess i wouldn't either if it wasn't me. i don't know, but i love this pin. it's the essence of vonnegut for a high school student.
i really want this shirt ! i love timber ! his art is so amazing and it has such great texture to it. i have yet to buy something from him, but if my wholesale inquiry goes well then i'll probably be buying more than that ! hehe. i'm really excited. if it goes through i won't have to worry about money for a good while, and hopefully i could eventually accumulate enough for my camcorder by next year ! i'm really hoping, hoping, hoping ! hehe. anyway, i love the illustration on this v-neck.
i was going to apply for national honor society, but i'm having doubts on if i'll be able to keep up with everything. i already gave one teacher a recommendation to fill out.. i have two more. other than that, i need a recommendation from some community manager type. i did some community service over the summer but i don't know if they'd fill it out for me, ugh. hehe. i don't know. i've filled out most of the application and noticed that i'm not much of an over-achiever. i've gotten a little lazier this year in terms of extracurriculars, or maybe i was lazy to begin with. i don't know. i'll just have procrastinated recommendations and try to volunteer tomorrow and such. who knows what will happen, but all i learned is, some things mean more than school. i learned it yesterday-ish.
yesterday morning i was talking to my mom. she was upset about some things and needed to vent. in that moment, i became proud of myself as i spoke to her. i've grown so much, and in some way, grown more than my older siblings. being an aspiring filmmaker, i figured out my whole immediate family history. the misconceptions, the wrong turns, the wrong blames. things that haunt and sadden us, as well as things we enjoy to reminisce about. i'm not that into venting about my family or home life. there isn't much to vent about anymore. try me three years ago for it. it's just, i'm so proud i could see things people don't. i can explain the conflicts and inner-workings of my family who was screwed up for so long and i figured out why. i turned a lifelong villain into a friend. i overcame the fact that i felt ignored for so long and made amends with someone i thought i'd hated. i think i've been brave in my decisions and my thoughts. thinking back just makes me love myself a little more. i've achieved something that others in my family have not, and that's love for each of them. in my family it seems as though each of us always have someone we dislike or even hate, but not me. i've grown to love each of them, no matter how they may or may not have hurt me. without knowing the history, you may not be able to see, but if you would've known me then, you could see how far i've come.
