3 posts tagged “morning”
i think too much. it was really sunny today. i decided not to stay after school and just come home. i still haven't called my parents to tell them that, but whatever. i'm listeing to rogue wave and being a mope-y weenie, but i;m actually okay with it. i was going to apply for national honor society, but i'm starting to have second thoughts. my etsy sales are picking up and i got a convo this morning for a wholesale inquiry ! i'm madly excited. i've officially decided that listening to chicago x 12 while feeling sad is the greatest medication anywhere. i was probably just about to right a sort of asshole blog entry, but it got fixed by rogue wave's cheerful beats. now it's being followed by badly drawn boy. (: the world seems to know what i need.
i was going to apply for national honor society, but i'm having doubts on if i'll be able to keep up with everything. i already gave one teacher a recommendation to fill out.. i have two more. other than that, i need a recommendation from some community manager type. i did some community service over the summer but i don't know if they'd fill it out for me, ugh. hehe. i don't know. i've filled out most of the application and noticed that i'm not much of an over-achiever. i've gotten a little lazier this year in terms of extracurriculars, or maybe i was lazy to begin with. i don't know. i'll just have procrastinated recommendations and try to volunteer tomorrow and such. who knows what will happen, but all i learned is, some things mean more than school. i learned it yesterday-ish.
yesterday morning i was talking to my mom. she was upset about some things and needed to vent. in that moment, i became proud of myself as i spoke to her. i've grown so much, and in some way, grown more than my older siblings. being an aspiring filmmaker, i figured out my whole immediate family history. the misconceptions, the wrong turns, the wrong blames. things that haunt and sadden us, as well as things we enjoy to reminisce about. i'm not that into venting about my family or home life. there isn't much to vent about anymore. try me three years ago for it. it's just, i'm so proud i could see things people don't. i can explain the conflicts and inner-workings of my family who was screwed up for so long and i figured out why. i turned a lifelong villain into a friend. i overcame the fact that i felt ignored for so long and made amends with someone i thought i'd hated. i think i've been brave in my decisions and my thoughts. thinking back just makes me love myself a little more. i've achieved something that others in my family have not, and that's love for each of them. in my family it seems as though each of us always have someone we dislike or even hate, but not me. i've grown to love each of them, no matter how they may or may not have hurt me. without knowing the history, you may not be able to see, but if you would've known me then, you could see how far i've come.
<-- i found this on etsy the other day. kurt vonnegut is seriously, one of my favorite people to ever live. he's my soul mate, we were just born in the wrong decades. someday we'll be together, haha. not for his looks, for his mind. we thought sort of the same. i love his dark humor. i love how his books are so apocalyptic and full of the fall of humanity. it sounds weird, but i guess it's only for those who understand. it's hard for me to find someone i can really talk to about vonnegut's works and such. some people just don't understand my fascination with the apocalypse and the fall of humanity. i guess i wouldn't either if it wasn't me. i don't know, but i love this pin. it's the essence of vonnegut for a high school student.
i really want this shirt ! i love timber ! his art is so amazing and it has such great texture to it. i have yet to buy something from him, but if my wholesale inquiry goes well then i'll probably be buying more than that ! hehe. i'm really excited. if it goes through i won't have to worry about money for a good while, and hopefully i could eventually accumulate enough for my camcorder by next year ! i'm really hoping, hoping, hoping ! hehe. anyway, i love the illustration on this v-neck.
i was going to apply for national honor society, but i'm having doubts on if i'll be able to keep up with everything. i already gave one teacher a recommendation to fill out.. i have two more. other than that, i need a recommendation from some community manager type. i did some community service over the summer but i don't know if they'd fill it out for me, ugh. hehe. i don't know. i've filled out most of the application and noticed that i'm not much of an over-achiever. i've gotten a little lazier this year in terms of extracurriculars, or maybe i was lazy to begin with. i don't know. i'll just have procrastinated recommendations and try to volunteer tomorrow and such. who knows what will happen, but all i learned is, some things mean more than school. i learned it yesterday-ish.
yesterday morning i was talking to my mom. she was upset about some things and needed to vent. in that moment, i became proud of myself as i spoke to her. i've grown so much, and in some way, grown more than my older siblings. being an aspiring filmmaker, i figured out my whole immediate family history. the misconceptions, the wrong turns, the wrong blames. things that haunt and sadden us, as well as things we enjoy to reminisce about. i'm not that into venting about my family or home life. there isn't much to vent about anymore. try me three years ago for it. it's just, i'm so proud i could see things people don't. i can explain the conflicts and inner-workings of my family who was screwed up for so long and i figured out why. i turned a lifelong villain into a friend. i overcame the fact that i felt ignored for so long and made amends with someone i thought i'd hated. i think i've been brave in my decisions and my thoughts. thinking back just makes me love myself a little more. i've achieved something that others in my family have not, and that's love for each of them. in my family it seems as though each of us always have someone we dislike or even hate, but not me. i've grown to love each of them, no matter how they may or may not have hurt me. without knowing the history, you may not be able to see, but if you would've known me then, you could see how far i've come.
<--bubblegum cell phone/iPod cozy, $5. now available in my etsy shop ! today was a fairly slow day. i finally watched Once. it was as i expected, and more. i really liked it a lot. i'd recommend it to almost anyone, as long as you're okay with good music and a little romanticism, but not too much. it was a sweet love story; not the soft-core porn type most people are used to in movies today. as of right now, i'm not entirely sure what type of films i will make, but i want films with meaning and amazing cinematography, rather than movies bordering on pornography. the problem is there is hardly a border anymore of what film can and can't show. i like it that way, but it makes some films so hard to get. sometimes i can't take a film completely seriously just cos it has a leetle too much love in it. i'm not a weenie or a prude or anything, i just like movies with meaning.
so today was strange. i woke up this morning and just noticed, being vegan for a month is making me VEGAN ! hahah. it sounds strange, but let me attempt to explain. i woke up this morning and i didn't think at all about what to eat or checking labels. everything just kind of happened, hence, i'm used to being vegan. it's nailed into my brain a tad now. i know come tuesday i'll be back to normal, but i think i'll definitely be returning to veganism next year, or maybe even again this year. my love of silk soy milk continues to grow with every bowl of cereal. the only bad thing is, i've been eating way too much peanut butter ! hehe. i've gotten to the point where i've just been eating teaspoons of peanut butter. i love it so, but alas, it's a love that must end soon ! today, overall, was okay. i'm probably going to go get a nice cup of apple juice or two and then go watch winter passing or blade runner. (:
so today was strange. i woke up this morning and just noticed, being vegan for a month is making me VEGAN ! hahah. it sounds strange, but let me attempt to explain. i woke up this morning and i didn't think at all about what to eat or checking labels. everything just kind of happened, hence, i'm used to being vegan. it's nailed into my brain a tad now. i know come tuesday i'll be back to normal, but i think i'll definitely be returning to veganism next year, or maybe even again this year. my love of silk soy milk continues to grow with every bowl of cereal. the only bad thing is, i've been eating way too much peanut butter ! hehe. i've gotten to the point where i've just been eating teaspoons of peanut butter. i love it so, but alas, it's a love that must end soon ! today, overall, was okay. i'm probably going to go get a nice cup of apple juice or two and then go watch winter passing or blade runner. (:
<--new item added to my etsy shop yesterday. green hand-knit zipper pouch, $6.25 today today today, i disappointed myself too many times already, and it's only but halfway over. if i don't accomplish something by the end of today i think i'll be forced to fully despair at my character. so this morning my dad kind of sort of apologized to me, but it was only kind of, and i wanted to fucking cry. he said things, but i felt like he didn't mean them at all. sometimes words just come out, but i couldn't forgive him for some reason. it's the big wall in front of my compassion. it's the me circa 7th grade, still holding me back. i want to break past it and be nice to everyone, but i can't escape my former self for some reason, and it's scary. i don't know why and how i'm so bitter, but i'm really not. it's like, i thought i changed, but i stayed the same. i'm stuck in the same rutt, the same hole, without progression. i used to say i didn't like change, i wanted 'constants' in my life, but i really don't. i want change. i want the world to change. i want barack obama for president. i want to change myself for the better but it's terribly hard for me to do when i'm still here... in this hole; but hopefully not eternally.
that was only part one of my being a disappointment. then i was too late to catch the post office. i couldn't mail my order in. -_____- standing there, where the lobby window should've been open, was absolutely degrading and depressing. another door closed, but nothing opened. and being the youth of today's america, i have no idea how many stamps are supposed to go on the envelope, so, in turn, i have to mail it monday and i feel like shit about it. this morning i felt so confident, and now, i have an utter lack of confidence. but is confidence really what makes us better people, or is it modesty? is it better to be quiet or loud? i guess it's to your preference, i just wish life would give you all the answers right away. sadly, nothing is ever easy.
i spent almost $30 at the craft store today. it felt like death on a stick. i don't know how or why i did it. i told myself to spend $15, and i spent so much. for all these reasons, i've disappointed myself today. i don't know what to do anymore. i guess all i can do now is try to make myself happy with myself again, and pretend to still have confidence, since that's what my horoscope said to do. i bought more felt and shit than i could probably use in a lifetime. i kind of like it though. i want to be busy. now that i have so much supplies, it's time to get crafty.
that was only part one of my being a disappointment. then i was too late to catch the post office. i couldn't mail my order in. -_____- standing there, where the lobby window should've been open, was absolutely degrading and depressing. another door closed, but nothing opened. and being the youth of today's america, i have no idea how many stamps are supposed to go on the envelope, so, in turn, i have to mail it monday and i feel like shit about it. this morning i felt so confident, and now, i have an utter lack of confidence. but is confidence really what makes us better people, or is it modesty? is it better to be quiet or loud? i guess it's to your preference, i just wish life would give you all the answers right away. sadly, nothing is ever easy.
i spent almost $30 at the craft store today. it felt like death on a stick. i don't know how or why i did it. i told myself to spend $15, and i spent so much. for all these reasons, i've disappointed myself today. i don't know what to do anymore. i guess all i can do now is try to make myself happy with myself again, and pretend to still have confidence, since that's what my horoscope said to do. i bought more felt and shit than i could probably use in a lifetime. i kind of like it though. i want to be busy. now that i have so much supplies, it's time to get crafty.
