15 posts tagged “goals”

i must say, i always, always, always think of my best ideas at night ! night is just the time where i'm fully awake and fully alive. i think i've spoken of this theory before. i love night time, but that's besides the point.

so i made myself a 2008 goals list, for the rest of the year. some are mandatory, some i should attempt and some are optional. i'm going to try to achieve them all. here they are. if i'm missing any or you have a goal you think is cool and you think i should do [because of what you read here in this blog] then post it please ! i love goals and achieving them. :D

2008 Goals.

musts:
-learn to drive
-100 etsy sales
-write a list or paragraph everyday about the day
-blog 3-7 times a week
-map out new destinations to travel to
-get a job
-100 or more hours of community service
-gain more confidence
-eat more veggies
-work on communication skills
-attend 4-5 concerts
-redecorate [furniture-wise] my room
-write thank-you notes, whether to send them or not
-meditate daily
-bring canvas bags to the market when i shop for food
-take pictures of everything and anything
-read 15 books

optionals:
-convert all my favorite recipes to note cards
-figure out what to do with my hair
-fly a kite
-prepare all my meals for a week
-find a religion
-learn to play the accordion
-ride an elephant
-cut out snacking on unhealthy things for a month
-make a genuine effort to be nice to everyone everyday for a week

attempts:
-love myself
-get straight As
-read an entire book series that consists of more than 10 books
-read all of jane austen & kurt vonnegut's works
-take more risks
-flatten my belly
-run a mile in 7 minutes or less
-learn to ride a bike

<-- recycled white envelopes [pack of 25], $3. okay, i have officially decided, i hate looking for colleges. my main choices now are columbia college (the one in chicago for art people, not the one in new york for doctors) and the savannah college of art and design, even though my grades and school are way above their averages, drastically. this means, scholarships gallore, but oh my gosh... after googling top film schools, i'm sort of freaked out and doubting, doubting, doubting. firstly, they were giving so-called 'tips' about what schools look for. apparently it includes 'advanced writing skills' and 'acting experience.' i know, i hardly write twice a day, but god damn, i'm so nervous now. i'm so doubty and now that i've watched project runway for an entire day, it all comes down to is this really what i want? i love ideas, i love what film does and i love what i could do with it, but i'm not an actor. my writing skills suffice for myself and my mind. i like how i write, but i don't want to be some overly dramatic writer using
overly descriptive metaphors and some pointless prose that won't matter in getting my point across. as much as i love a strong, engaging writer, i do not see myself as one. i love to read, but my love of writing begins and ends with this blog i suppose. in writing, i don't think i'm that special. i write everyday, but i don't see myself being someone like my good friends kurt vonnegut, anthony burgess, truman capote and jane austen. as much as i love reading, all it had brought me is fantastic grammar skills and a window into a world i would not have known. i can write well enough, but i guess my main focus in high school has been more on grades, clubs and world awareness. i guess i'm more in tuned with the bigger picture than what i should be. i know colleges want you to blow your brains out to impress them and give them long, mentally draining essays about your 'amazing experience in key club' which was probably a lot less than what was actually done, or your 'rewarding time spent in the deca finals' which was primarily spent partying with other deca weenies, but you won't tell them that. high school for me has been planning for the future. my dreams of being a filmmaker, interior designer, fashion designer, which still are on the waiting list for complete answers; and my dreams of studying abroad in iceland or tokyo, going into the peace corps in africa or peru; and my plans to become a parent whether i find a husband or end up adopting a family of chinese girls who would've probably not have found  life much better elsewhere. my life is about experiences, but can film give me what i want? that is my main question right now. i guess what i'm trying to express is, the pressure of the fact that i've focused on wanting to be a filmmaker for so long is starting to weigh down on me and i'm starting to wonder if i really want a part of the brutal business, as much as i'd rather be a michel gondry with no schooling on film and more with being a graphic design genius recognized. i don't know what i want, i just know i love film, but i have so much love of so much else that i'm becoming so lost and unable to sort out my loves from my likes and having difficulty discovering what i want.

<-- nautical charm necklace, $12. i'm trying to rethink everything. i find myself still in the same state i was before though, no matter how much i feel like i need to change. i'm starting to write down weekly goals now, and soon i'll be starting up again, trying again with the goals i originally placed. i suppose i have subconsciously been striving for one already, since it seems that when i go to the library i gravitate towards the kurt vonnegut and jane austen sections, which are in one of my goals. jane austen has a lot less to choose from, which is both sad and refreshing. sometimes i find reading to be tedious, but i guess that solely occurs when i'm not that into the book. i know when i read something i love i can't take my hands off it. i just want more and more. i want that again, but i want to be more avid about it. i need to watch less movies i think, and get more focused on my own imagination. i don't know if i should go on an all out movie boycott so i can think of my ideas from my mind only, but i'm thinking maybe i should. maybe just for a week before i go to the film academy, but excluding the new batman movie if i hadn't seen it by then, because that film just looks all out amazing, and i love heath ledger.

today i was watching a project runway marathon and i couldn't help feeling so... out of place. i watch bravo quite often, and i watch tlc quite often. both have shows about two fields that interest me, fashion and interior design. i've always dreamed of being a filmmaker, since forever, but now i'm starting to get doubtful again. fashion is so exciting and fashion design is just such a creatively enriching process, and with my etsy shop and all, i could see myself doing something like that, even if it is just on the side and on etsy in my free time. i hope to do some fashion design work in the future. but interior design is a little different in the sense that, it's a job and there is not as much room for freelance work. people aren't necessarily going to come to you and ask you because they've heard of you, but then again i don't know as much about it. all i know is that arranging a space and going by color pallets and such, i've always loved that. my room is my art, everyone is pretty much aware of. i love to collage, but i also love putting together color schemes. things like that come naturally to me. i guess decorating my own home or apartment would suffice for my hunger of interior design, but evaluating everything i love about the world and everything i want out of the future, i guess i should try harder to achieve more. film is a dream, but i guess maybe there is room for more than one dream.

by the way, my computer's wallpaper is dunder mifflin's ! haha, i'm getting so obsessed. (:

my sister left today. it hasn't hit me yet at all. i guess at moments i noticed, but ultimately, it has made not much difference to me, yet. i don't think it will much until school time comes around again and then i don't have someone to wait at the bus stop with or make fun of weirdies with. it's so weird what can happen in a year. i went from completely despising her to becoming so close with her. i don't know what my summer will consist of much right now. i'm sort of in shock i guess, and at a loss for everything. but i want this to be positive. i want to spend more time on myself and bettering that. i was just reading an article on the etsy storque and now i'm sort of thinking about making a semi- video blog type thing. not a blog though, just like, a channel. but i don't want it to be typical. i'm sure everyone is as tired as i am of seeing the dumb ass who sits in front of their computer making faces or whatever they do and constantly cutting themselves off and editing stupidly. stupid short-cut editing doesn't make you that great, but i want to make some type of a unique and fun youtube channel that people will actually not be bored watching and not have to just listen to me talk for hours. i guess for the next few days i'll be compiling ideas of everything i want to do this summer and this is one, i suppose. but this is one of my optional ones, since i have so many other goals.

so far i have a few goals in mind: exercise daily, youtube/vimeo channel, 100 etsy sales, kiva section of my etsy shop & watch all of lost over again. exercise daily is key. it seems like as long as i procrastinate it, the more i go insane with negativity. my pool is open, no one is home, i have no real summer job, i have no excuse. the youtube or vimeo channel i create, will be completely optional. i don't want it to be too serious or too extreme. i don't want to end up like a lot of kids around where i live with their weird and pointless youtube channels. i'd point out names, but if they end up google-ing themselves then they'll find out i was dissing them. oh well, there are tons of headstrong teenagers that have their own pointless channels. no one needs examples. the 100 etsy sales is my major goal. since i'm without a summer job and lost my camcorder i need to save up for a new camcorder and also establish myself as a serious etsy seller. i'll hopefully be posting everyday and then comes the next goal. next year, my friend and i are starting a club, completely fundraising based. it's going to be based on kiva.org; a great website that allows people all over the world to give and receive loans. the receivers are people who are less fortunate who are trying to start their own businesses but need a little boost. (: when they are successful, they'll pay it back, so it's like a cycle. the basis of our club is to fundraise and then just keep distributing it out and helping tons of people ! so, this summer, i'm going to make a section of my shop that will have all proceeds going to our kiva club. i'll hopefully be posting one item a week in that section. besides that, the lost thing is self-explanitory. (: hehe. hopefully it'll be a great summer !

for some reason i felt the urge to post very early today. i don't know exactly why i need to post in the beginning of the day, but i suppose there is some reason for it, and i don't really care what it is, so yeah, here i am ! i guess i feel like i should accomplish a lot today? yeah, maybe that is it ! have you ever felt that feeling? like your idols are starting to lose their appeal, and like the world around you is crumbling beside you, like that coffee cake you can never quite put your fork on.. but once you take a bite of it, you realize maybe you shouldn't be eating that because you're trying to lose your muffin top, so you then run to your room, only to just keep getting hungrier, thinking of how good those crumbly pieces would taste in your mouth, so you go back and eat it, only to be disappointed in yourself that you did. that's not me anymore, but some of my idols are losing their appeal. maybe i should find new idols. i have my idol of mind, idol of body and then a various amount of free idols.

i had a long talk with my dad and my sister last night. it was about the peace corps. my dad was in the peace corps in the seventies, so since he knows i want to do it, whenever something about it vaguely comes up, he uses it as an excuse to tell me not to go to africa. my sister says, don't go to south america, because she has a huge grudge against hispanics, with reason though. the two continents i'd like to go to, actually, are south america and africa. what a coincidence, hm? at first i was set on going to peru on the peace corps, because i felt like i owed it to them. one of their own, even if not the brightest, gave me life, and i've been surrounded by so many negative peruvians that my sister has lost faith in the country as a whole, completely. because of this, i wanted to go to peru and repay my debts to them and give them help and aid and teach them whatever i can. then, came africa. i had absolutely no thought in going to africa until i saw 'peaceful warrior,' and nothing stuck in my head more, from the book or the film, than that one quote. "the hardest people to love are the ones who need it most." and then i thought, i should go to africa despite what my father says. i will probably have no other opportunity in my life to go there, so why not go there, hm? my dad is scared of the aids, of course, but i feel like i need to go there, like something is making me lean towards them, and i want to go. i suppose kenya or south africa would be sufficient, but who knows where everything will be politically by the time it's my chance. all i know is, i want to go to the peace corps in africa or south america.

so i have a lot of goals for today only. maybe it'd be nice to, since i have these days off, make goals in the morning so then i can live on the new day with meaning. so my goals for today are:
- finish the knitted purse i've been working on
- finish balzac & the little chinese seamstress
- do the yoga & the richard simmons videos i took out from the library
- write three essays for AP test practice, or go over unit 1 completely
and i suppose that's it. it's pretty much going to be a busy day in my own head, and although it's not a goal, i'd like to watch 300 tonight. i got it from the library, and i've been dying to see it with it's amazing cinematography, so i shall !

<-- upcycled knit cellphone cozy, soon to be available in my etsy shop ! currently entered in an earth day etsyowls competition ! today i felt so much like going on a journey of sorts. i went to the library, and successfully returned a lot of films i'd taken out, and was okay with it since i'd watched them all for once. i got the richard simmons video i'd been working out with before that had given me a good work out, along with a yoga video because i want to work on my flexibility. my goals for this year are a flat stomach, ability to run a mile without stopping and ability to touch my toes without bending my knees, since i can't do that, even though it's very pathetic. added to that is definitely learning to ride a bike, if that can really be put in the same category. i have so many goals, i feel like every other word i say is either a goal or the word goal ! haha. i guess that's the cost of wanting to live a fulfilling life. but i'm almost done with the novel i'm reading, so i suppose i have time to open up my doors a little bit before i have to do hardcore AP test studying. i don't think i have any excuse to not get a perfect score, since i only have one AP test, whereas, many of my friends have two or three. i need to push myself harder, but i guess i can't really help being sort of stand-offish. i guess it's my nature, but i do need to change it.

about the journey aspect, i think i'm ready to watch every film i possibly can. whenever i knit, i want to be watching a film, but i also want to exercise daily and get good grades. i think all this means, is rationing computer time. less time here, more time elsewhere, where i'm needed or where i should be, but of course i'll need to constantly return to check my etsy and write here, in my blog, etc. i just really need to take a break from a lot of bullshit and i need to work out a lot more. i desperately feel the need to become an exercise-a-holic, hahaha. but exercise is a lot more fun and rewarding than i originally gave it credit for. but i really want to take up fencing, so i might.

yeah, this is my self- portrait of the week, hehe. i was contemplating for so long posting it, but it really sums up my last days of being vegan. yes, it's obnoxious, but it's me and today i felt confident enough to post it. so basically, the story behind this was the museum of natural history. i went last friday and they had all this food that looked so good ! pizza, chicken nuggets, donuts, wraps, salads with ranch dressing ! yum, fats ! but then, of course, i had to take the vegan road, so i ended up getting this vegetable pasta, non-meat couscous and broccoli. it was a good lunch, but i did hate watching everyone enjoy their meals more, hehe.

so today i went out running ! watching peaceful warrior really pumped me up. today i just feel a lot more serene and i like it. i feel more in tuned with my feelings and everything. i feel more active and happy. i hope everyday of this will make me calmer. i think that's one of my flaws; my over-enthusiasm or obnoxious nature. i dwell on things, i let things bother me, and i'm too loud at times. i don't know if that's something to love or loathe. all i know is i love just being back into a new goal. it makes me feel more complete. whenever i start achieving a goal i feel so much more complete and good about myself. maybe if i started a goal every week i'd always be happy.

after i watched peaceful warrior, pride & prejudice was on the oxygen network [yeah i know, i'm a loser who likes to watch the oxygen network sometimes] and i really liked it. of course, like most girls, i totally fell for mr. darcy, just cos he was so dedicated to his love. he did everything he could to help elizabeth and was so modest in professing his love. it's just what every girl wants i suppose. jane austen's character was just such an absolute ideal, but i suppose that is what happens whenever a woman writes a romance novel; one character will be their absolute ideal... it just sucks that it's so hard to find.

it's another one of those days where i'm feeling completely shitty. i don't know where they keep coming from. maybe it's just that i haven't been making as many sales? i'm not sure what's wrong, i'm just unhappy with who i am, and i think that's my true goal at the moment, but it's unachievable without my goal of 'exercise daily.' ughh, where is my motivation this week !? where did i leave it, or put it? my horoscope claims:

"you may be ready for something new, yet are still attached to the security of old and familiar ways. this is, however, about to change and your current anxiety could stem from your anticipation of what's around the next corner. don't play your cards or force anyone else's hand until you are certain that you're ready to jump."

but am i ready to jump? am i ready to take that step off that cliff? that's what i'm wondering myself. i don't know how quite to begin... maybe just holding myself back too much. with veganism i just jumped in, but i have this stupid thing with caring about what people think of me. i hate its guts to no end though. i'm not sure what it is, but i know i need to rid myself of it. i do anticipate what's around the corner, but i'm definitely going to try not to force anyone into it. i just need to force myself into it. tonight i suppose i'll watch 'peaceful warrior. i got it out of the library and i'm anticipating its brilliance, hopefully. the book was brilliant, but it's not probable that the film will be half as good. whenever i read the book 'the way of the peaceful warrior,' it makes me appreciative every single time. but once i finish it, it's back to life again, and that's what i dislike about it, or just dislike about me. things like that should stick, and it didn't for me. i want to go to borders and get a few moleskine notebooks, the little pocket-sized ones. i want to start writing down every idea that comes into my head, whenever it ever does. i want to make films cos i've been slacking so much. i need to change my life so badly and i don't.

this is the problem for too many americans. they have the intention of changing their lifestyles, changing their habits, changing the way they are, and they always procrasinate it. they always wait until the climax of their condition to take action and make something of themselves, but it shouldn't be like that. people should try harder to achieve their dreams, myself included. this procrastination and delaying is the reason for obesity, emphysema and so many other conditions that could've been prevented if people would try to quit smoking or try to lose weight. hopefully tonight i'll be inspired to achieve more than what i am.

<-- nautical button destash, $4. listed today in my etsy shop ! lately, i've been wishing way too much and thinking too little. i've been feeling sorry for myself too much and i need to fix it. tomorrow marks the beginning of april. i can only try to exercise, but i think i might need a hiatus from my massive amount of goals. maybe for a week, or a couple of days, i'm not sure. i don't know what to do exactly. i just haven't been myself lately i suppose. things need to look up more often, rather than being where they are now. i don't like where i am anymore; i need more of.. something, i just don't know why. i need a break from this house i live in. it's just not healthy. it's not organic or kosher, and definitely not vegan. there is nothing pure about it; all it does is take away your purity and it desensitizes you to the point where you won't be able to handle it anymore. that is my family right now, and i'm so over it. i just want to sell things on etsy, by clothing and make a difference in the world. is that too much to ask from life? have you ever just felt that overwhelming hopelessness? that feeling like things will never get better. i hate that. i think i should change my goal for the month, or add one on, an important one.. write thank you notes. in doing this, i hope to let go of some anger, and possibly send them. i think i really should. so, just to verify, write thank-you notes, will be in my april goals.

so today is my last day being a vegan; it feels as though i'm parting with an old friend i grew to know so well. i must say i will never forget this month. the endless cravings and the constant self-control maintained, taught me a lot. i learned a lot about myself, how i can actually control what i do and what i don't. i learned that i am surrounded by great friends, who continue to support me and have interest in my well being; to those who helped me on this journey, i thank you and love you dearly. i learned that i can live without meat and dairy, which shows me, if there is anything i ever want to eliminate from my diet, it is possible. this has empowered me and i will be doing it again next year in february. for april, i have a lot of preparation to do i suppose, or maybe not so much. i guess i'll be going out for a run tomorrow maybe, maybe not. but now that i saw myself dive right into veganism head on, maybe i should do the same with exercise. maybe it's best just to dive right in. you never know what will come back out.

today marks the end of a month long journey. i hope as i continue to achieve my goals, they all empower me as much as this one did. vegans, i salute and applaud you. it is a hard life, but i admire your protest in what you believe is right.