33 posts tagged “film”

<-- my orange swimsuit necklace, $10. available now in my etsy shop ! listening to the radio dept. and pondering today's events. things have been going well this year, so far. i've been getting some okay grades and have been doing, what i think, is an okay job. i just want something worthwhile to happen.. or to make something worthwhile. i find that when i watch the films of my peers i feel more obligated to make something. i made my one short film, but i think i ought to be making more. i find myself blogging about this everyday. it's getting so tedious. tonight i think i'm going to have a major jamie + music= ideas sesh. when i needed an idea for the film academy, all i did was listen to music for around, 10 minutes, and then i had some vague idea of something to do. i have five or six solid ideas for both shorts and features. some things have been vivid in my mind for so long that i can't ignore, and some are new. i just want it to be different, you know? i do desire to turn rob sheffield's life into film. i have such great cinematographical ideas for it. i want to do it so bad. i never want to forget him. but tonight, i have a date with myself.

<-- taboo scarflette, $9. available in my etsy shop ! today was an 100% necessary blogging day. i was just revisiting my summer at nyfa a little. i was on facebook and came across some of the videos of someone i'd known there. just reminding me more that i need to do something. she's made a few things, mostly things i liked a lot. she's really talented in making quirky and lovable comedy. it just makes me want to make something. sometime i feel like i'm just going to defy the odds and explode with all my creativity, since it's already on the leak, and make some stop- motion loveliness. i just have to figure out what and when. i'm inspired by so many different things. i'm listening to sigur ros right now, saeglopur, and the idea flowing through my brain is a sort of cliche story, but one i could twist. right now i'm imagining it outside, and maybe i can sew something up. some small stuffed things or something. i'm imagining a sort of 'something that doesn't belong' story. maybe someone who will defy the odds. it's so cliche, which bothers me i suppose. there are so many ideas in my mind. i need to put them into action, and i've said it so many times. my main goals in life are to travel, love and share my love of life with the world, while also motivating people to really live rather than exist. i want that to be an underlying theme of everything i make.

today i revisited memories that are amusing to me. it's almost october, and october last year was hilarious, even though i didn't think so at the time. i had the shortest relationship ever with a guy i didn't really like, and haven't spoken to him since because i'm so embarrassed i did it in the first place. it took me a while to figure out the second part. i didn't want to talk to him, but i didn't know why. i made him cry and stuff, but it was only six days and it wasn't at all real love, but since he has a new girlfriend who some of my friends are 'friends' with [in reality they're quite capricious] they always bring it up to me. i don't hate either of them, i just don't talk to them because i'm embarassed. i don't regret it, i'm just embarassed about it. i think i needed it to let myself know that i can't and shouldn't just say yes to any guy, but so far, in my world, being single is just as good as anything else. my feelings are going in certain directions and my mind is wandering onto certain people, but i'm not as concerned with that right now as i am with my schoolwork. i need to focus, and for right now, not lose that focus until i can afford to.

two in a day because i felt like writing. i'm a starving artist, ughh. i'm so hating myself right now for losing my camcorder last year. now i have to save every penny to get a new one because i'm so dying to make some short films. holy crap, it's such an overwhelming desire and i just really really really want to make something as soon as possible. there are so many ideas waiting to come out and i have everything to do it except for the camera. i don't even care about quality anymore. it's pretty much only going to be until i go off to film school. two years of sucky quality isn't too terrible ! and as i'm listening to parenthetical girls once again, i'm just so perplexed and confused. i want to just make something ! ugh. it's so annoying. and it's killing me. i guess this will just give me the opportunity to write 5000 stories before i buy myself a new toy.

and ew, my vacation totally threw me off in every way. this month was so jam packed i've been missing out on a ton of street team stuff and it's making my business suffer a little. i guess self-discovery comes at a price. i got an angry e-mail from a buyer who recieved a broken product, which had never happened to me prior to this ! it hurt in my heart because i like to pride myself in flawless transactions. i want to make it up to her, but as long as i right about it here i think i'm pretty much good in the department of maintaining my confidence. i hate how when you're finally feeling fulfilled it just comes back to get you. some unfortunate or just plain shitty things comes to kick you in the face and say 'hey ! life isn't perfect !' it sucks when it does. i want to be there for everyone. the film part of me, the etsy part of me, the school part of me and all the other parts of me i know of or have yet to find. i just need to get everything in balance again, but as long as i continue to have sales and i continue to make things, i think i guess i'll be okay. just as long as everyone knows that everything has been sort of screwy this month with my organization and stuff, but come 2009, my etsy shop will be new and improved and more organized, but for the fall and winter i'll be continuing to give more of the same jamieleto.etsy.com people have come to know and love. one piece of negative feedback won't tear me apart. i'm just learning. i'm only in eleventh grade, i'm a high school junior, and everything will hopefully fall into place. i'm still learning things, and i'm not perfect.

i guess i truly have fallen under some weight.

<-- palaver zine 003, $3. available now at my etsy shop. [if you dig my blog, you'll almost definitely dig my zine !]

i love who i am sometimes. this week has been strange to say the least. i've had sudden bursts of 'i love me !' not in a cocky way though, more in a i'm a strong person with a creative mind kind of way.

i fall for people i relate to, quite easily in fact. i don't mean to, but it happens when i don't realize. i get scared of it too, and that's when things fall apart. i almost fell yesterday.. but when the person is taken it's hard.sometimes i just find myself in need of sharing things with someone i could speak to on an intimate type of level. things i couldn't tell a close friend, acquaintance or even my fish. i end up holding them inside. i guess i unleashed all that 'inside' last week. i feel so free now, but things were looking sort of complicated at moments this week, but they seem to be going up again, so that's good. (: i guess sometimes i just need to look at myself in the mirror and remember i'm a good and strong person. look back on my life and smile. i don't know where i got all this confidence from almost. all i can think of is when we were working on my short film and my crew was treating me like i was some kind of genius, especially our TA (teaching assistant, who is usually in their 20s and just helps you along). and no, it's not a pedophilia thing, i think i would've been disgusted and would've noticed if it was. but it just struck me so much the way their faces were so in agreement and in awe. they would always say 'i like that,' and i'd take their advice too. but i just remember being in the editing room and the TA kept coming over to me asking me how far i was and stuff, and once i was done he kept saying 'that's dope,' and one of the girls in my crew was asking him to see her film and she said 'it's not as good as that.' it just made me feel so confident and great. it made me really happy. i think i'm at a major turning point in my life, just because last week made it for me. i want to maintain this, i want to maintain this. it's all i can think about.

if you want to see the short film i made, convo me on etsy. it's on a dvd and i can probably make copies, but i don't know how to rip it from the dvd to the computer. if you know how to do that comment here, but otherwise, i'd be happy to try to send copies. i'll also send a note that you should read prior so you can 'get it.' it's hard to understand if i don't explain it first.

oh ! and i might be opening another etsy shop with my friend. (: yes, i'll be running two if it happens. jamieleto.etsy.com shall never die, but a new shop may be on the rise. we want to save up for radiohead tickets for the next time they come around, as well as various fun things on etsy. (: we're going to make radiohead themed things and it's going to be fun ! or at least it sounds as though it will be. i guess we shall see. ;D but i'll keep you posted.

i can say this, i haven't felt this great about myself in years... maybe never.

this week has just been one of the best of my whole life, to say the least. the question is more of, how long can this natural high last? so to start off, i had a week of film camp. stressful first three days, but such a learning experience. i learned more in three days, than i had known about film in my whole life. things i looked over so much, things i had ignored and pretty much left alone, were brought up to me in a new light. it was just so amazing. i learned so much about film and so much about who i am. we each got to make our ow n short film, but it couldn't have sound so i couldn't do my original idea, but my came out okay. it's sort of hard to understand if i don't explain it to you. i have it on a dvd, but i don't know how you rip shit off dvds to the computer so i can't post it. i don't know, but all i can say is that this whole week solidified to me, that i want to be a filmmaker. i want to do what i experienced last week. i like directing. i like explaining. i like analyzing. and although my film wasn't exactly the world's greatest or whatever, i actually didn't care. it's only my second try, and so many people have tried so many times and came out way better than they ever thought they would. i'm just proud to say that my film was one of the most original within the experience. i did something my own, that i don't think anyone there would've thought of, and i'm proud of that. i made some friends, could be life-long, could not... but i just don't want to lose this feeling i have inside me right now. i've been maintaining it through massive radiohead on repeat sessions. fucking brilliant. but oh well, i'm just feeling so amazing, so confident. all i want to do is smile. i don't care what anyone else has, what anyone else thinks, for ONCE. i just want to be me and not care what anyone else does or says. it doesn't matter to me anymore. for one i KNOW i'm talented, i KNOW i'm good at what i want to do, i KNOW i'm a good person, i KNOW i have a future and i want to share what i've found within myself with the world. if everyone could feel the way i feel, russia wouldn't be freaking attacking georgia and we'd be out of iraq because everyone would be in tune within themselves and all this craziness, this paranoia, would be over. i gues just by being able to gain respect from people that all are interested in what i am and for them to think of my work as great, that just meant a lot to me. and i can already sense radiohead surpassing everything else on my lastfm list. getting into the top four and beyond within the next two days. if i could maintain this feeling... if i could maintain this feeling, i could conquer the world. i just love the way i feel and i don't even care if my belly is an inch away from complete flatness. i like who i am and i like feeling like i do.

<-- ralfff squee, $5. available in my etsy shop. i know i'm supposed to be away today, but things got mixed up and film camp starts tomorrow instead, so i'm in your life for another day more before i take a six day hiatus ! hooray? not really i guess.

i have a film planned out, and i've had it in my mind for about a week. once i thought of it, it just sort of hit me as something i have to do. it's something personal, and something i can't really ignore, but it doesn't end positively, which bothers me. i guess i'll lay it out here, but all rights are reserved to me ! so don't try to steal it just because i like to think here please ! chances are it might not even be that great anyway, but before i begin, i just want to put all the cards on the table, so to speak. even though this is the most minimal camp the new york film academy offers, it might be my deciding factor for the future. summer is almost over, i'm getting older. i want to apply to colleges with wisdom, pride and assurance in my heart. i don't want to make a mistake and apply somewhere i won't be happy in. if i end up finding that film is still who i am, i most definitely won't stop, but if i find that other roads and avenues are calling me, i just might have to break this, but i want to know. living with a lifelong regret of not pursuing my dream is one of my worst fears, but as of right now, i haven't even figured out what my dream is.

every time i hear a song, read a book, hear someone say something i like, i think of it being to film. my mind is in film mode. things inspire me and i just go right there. it's my outlet, and i suppose that's what it should be.

so my idea is, basically, thank you notes. it's on my goals list and one night, while watching american beauty, i thought of a sort of dismal thought. a sort of, thought that expands and grows on me. a short film, about a girl and her once best friend. it starts out as her writing a light-hearted thank you note, thanking her for the experiences they shared and for always being such a great friend. she'd speak in the past tense like, 'we'd have so much fun together. we'd laugh about everything and make all the big problems seem so little. thank you for being such a great friend to me.' but then the note would take a sour turn, with something along the lines of, 'i thought we'd always be friends, until you left when i needed you the most.' this is personal to me. i think it's personal to anyone. a good friend that leaves, a hard time you can't handle alone, and people who can't take you at your worst, so in the words of marilyn monroe, don't deserve you at your best. throughout the beginning, there would be random flashes, and experimentation with time. sped up sometimes, but with flashes of the times with the friend. so basically, you would see glimpses of them together. but when it takes a turn for the worse, it would turn into aggression, and pretty much all the insanity would open up and then i'd mix in sorts of reds and blacks, a darker tone with a darker turn to the music and the overall film. then she would end off the letter, with a sort of thank you for helping me in shaping me into the stronger, smarter, better person i am today. and then she would take the letter, put it in the envelope and things would return to normalcy. in this moment, she walks out the door, is in front of the mailbox [i imagined it as one of those moderately sized blue ones you find in the city or near the post office. she'd stare at the envelope for a few seconds, open the door of the mailbox, and not go through with it. she would then return to her room and take out a box. she'd stick the letter in that box. the camera would close up to the inside of the box of... envelopes. it would then zoom out to see the girl sitting or laying in shame. she'd written numerous letters, but had not had the strength to send any. i want this to capture the hopelessness and the feelings we can't seem to leave behind. in some ways, it would help me reconcile and release the hopelessness i feel at times. i want to let it go, and maybe this will help me, as well as other people. this is the film i want to make, and i think it would be around three minutes long, because i think that's our maximum, but anyway, if you're willing to read this long thought, leave me some feedback. it'd be most appreciated. idea, copyright jamieleto, all rights reserved. :)

<-- rave cellphone cozy, $6. check etsy shop for details.

today was just so, odd. it was a mood swingy day, but what day hasn't been lately? for me at least. i got some books from the library. both of which will probably influence me a lot in the future, but on two totally different topics. the first, a book called film school confidential. it has information on basically, every film program in the united states, and tips on life before, during and after film school. i'll come back to that later. the second, the book that has been calling my soul, generation t. both books are probably going to be of great use to me in the future, but i fear both as well. stuck between different worlds again. film, fashion. thinking about which i am more passionate about, or is interior design what i want? it's so frustrating, trying to find out what you want. hopefully by the end of next week, when i'm waiting for thom yorke to come out on that stage, i'll know if i was meant for film. i'm scared for it. i'm trying to ignore my own expectations for myself, but it's so hard when film has become such a huge part of my life for so many years. but generation t really inspires me. i saw it in barnes and noble one day and from that day on, i knew it was my new love. so many things i could do, so much i could save and so much to love and so much to help me grow. it was like love at first sight ! haha. i'm so excited for it, but i'm also excited for the new york film academy next week. but which more? i can't even begin to tell.

about film school confidential, just bluntly in six words, scared the shit out of me. i started reading, and it talked so much about the massive amount of competition out there. how you have to be so well equipped, interesting, original, be at the right place at the right time pretty much. how your first feature film had to be a hit so you will have hopes of continuing. i want to be a filmmaker. i want to show people life through my eyes, that's what i want. i think i could add my own flavor or spice to anything. paprika here, pepper there. my life has just been so rich in so many mixed feelings. hopelessness, depression, lack of attention, but also, joy, euphoria and overall ecstatic nature. i've had some really great moments, and some really terrible ones, but i want to show the world who i am. i want my point of view to be shared and maybe someone will hear it. i want to get my message across. but i just get so scared that i'll fail.

in one word: brilliant.
there are so many words i could say about this film, but i won't say any of them, except a good few. i'm not here to give away spoilers, and although most of you have probably seen this film already, if you haven't and you want to experience it for yourself, i urge you not to read on.

'the dark knight,' often confused for 'the dark night' [which is a non- existent film, to my knowledge, that has for some reason been created in the brains of mindless people who just can't seem to comprehend the fact that there are two ways to spell '(k)night.'] i haven't been this blown away by a film in a long time. it was just such a ride. i expected the best and got more. for once in my life i genuinely feared the villain. it was an unforgettable performance, and not on the bias that heath ledger has recently passed away, but just by seeing someone, anyone, create a character unlike any other. everyone praised johnny depp in pirates of the caribbean for stepping out of the expectations and ordinary of who his character was meant to be, but i think this character, the new joker, belongs to heath ledger. i say the 'new' joker, because it is a new joker. it's reality, it's not the playful, fictional character that either jack nicholson or mark hamill created. this time, i believed him. i believed he was the joker. no just some actor in make-up.

heath ledger isn't the only great thing about this movie though. batman himself, the plot, everything, tore me to pieces. i loved it so much, i wanted to just cry there in the theater. batman has always been my favorite superhero, but when they kept saying he wasn't a hero, it made me notice, this is reality. the world would reject a true hero and treat him that way. the world is full of people, but not everyone can be a batman. be able to stay away from corruption, do good at any cost, even if it means sacrificing the ones he loves. that is a true hero. the film just touched me in a way not many have managed. i'm very overwhelmed and astonished. in conclusion, go see it.

<-- palaver zine 002, $3. listed today in my etsy shop ! yes ! the second issue of my zine is here ! the first issue is also available in my etsy shop. palaver zine is a zine made by me, almost completely by hand. i cut, i paste, i collage, i write, i ask, i read and it all comes together in this zine ! the first issue was a mere 14 pages, but this month, i've grown it into 18 pages ! get the while you can ! they sell rather quickly.

i'm so tired. i haven't written here in a while, so i figured, i need to get back where i was ! hehe. so the past week was, somewhat eventful i suppose. saturday was busy. i had to go to the orthodontist [because i'm a loser who still has braces. -____- i've had them on for five years !] and then after the orthodontist, i went to the metropolitan museum of art, just to kill time, because later i had to go to the bon jovi concert ! the free one in central park for the all star game. it was a true new york city event that no one should've missed... but i guess you can't fit everyone on the great lawn. the concert was a lot of fun, even though i was one of the only ones really dancing. the age range was so wide since it was a free concert and all, so there were little kids, grandparents, parents, you name it ! it was really great though. we got there 6 hours ahead, even though many people had already gotten there. some people waited the night... too bad i had an orthodontist appointment. but i've had an attachment to the bon ever since i was in 3rd grade and heard 'it's my life.' i always take pride in saying i was a super cool 3rd grader who liked bon jovi and the red hot chili peppers, and even got both cds for my birthday ! but then my alternative rock phase ended until 5th grade. i was raised on the backstreet boys, nsync, the spice girls, the works. alternative rock was never really my oldest sister's thing in her teenage years, so i experienced the pop of the 90s rather than the grunge that i discovered once i was in 7th grade. since my tastes have changed so many times, i have such wide music knowledge. i love that. but anyway, bon jovi was really great ! and i went completely insane [not that i don't at every other concert i go to, i'm the obnoxious one in the crowd. music makes me an extrovert, like alcohol for some people].

then my life became uneventful until yesterday when i chilled with two of my good friends. i brought over amelie [the french film] and they seemed to like it. i usually bring weird movies for them to watch, but i tried not to make it too weird this time. i actually thought about it i guess. but i love amelie so much. it's so near and dear to my heart. the story, the visuals, the sound. i just love it so much. it's the type of film where the effort is shown. it's like a pan's labyrinth or lord of the rings of sorts. you can always tell when a filmmaker has tried his [or her] best on a particular film. it's just like, this extra blast of special spice. it's spicy. it's like... paprika or something. i love films like that. you can tell the work was put in and they cared so deeply about the film and its point. moments like that are the best kind.

<-- recycled white envelopes [pack of 25], $3. okay, i have officially decided, i hate looking for colleges. my main choices now are columbia college (the one in chicago for art people, not the one in new york for doctors) and the savannah college of art and design, even though my grades and school are way above their averages, drastically. this means, scholarships gallore, but oh my gosh... after googling top film schools, i'm sort of freaked out and doubting, doubting, doubting. firstly, they were giving so-called 'tips' about what schools look for. apparently it includes 'advanced writing skills' and 'acting experience.' i know, i hardly write twice a day, but god damn, i'm so nervous now. i'm so doubty and now that i've watched project runway for an entire day, it all comes down to is this really what i want? i love ideas, i love what film does and i love what i could do with it, but i'm not an actor. my writing skills suffice for myself and my mind. i like how i write, but i don't want to be some overly dramatic writer using
overly descriptive metaphors and some pointless prose that won't matter in getting my point across. as much as i love a strong, engaging writer, i do not see myself as one. i love to read, but my love of writing begins and ends with this blog i suppose. in writing, i don't think i'm that special. i write everyday, but i don't see myself being someone like my good friends kurt vonnegut, anthony burgess, truman capote and jane austen. as much as i love reading, all it had brought me is fantastic grammar skills and a window into a world i would not have known. i can write well enough, but i guess my main focus in high school has been more on grades, clubs and world awareness. i guess i'm more in tuned with the bigger picture than what i should be. i know colleges want you to blow your brains out to impress them and give them long, mentally draining essays about your 'amazing experience in key club' which was probably a lot less than what was actually done, or your 'rewarding time spent in the deca finals' which was primarily spent partying with other deca weenies, but you won't tell them that. high school for me has been planning for the future. my dreams of being a filmmaker, interior designer, fashion designer, which still are on the waiting list for complete answers; and my dreams of studying abroad in iceland or tokyo, going into the peace corps in africa or peru; and my plans to become a parent whether i find a husband or end up adopting a family of chinese girls who would've probably not have found  life much better elsewhere. my life is about experiences, but can film give me what i want? that is my main question right now. i guess what i'm trying to express is, the pressure of the fact that i've focused on wanting to be a filmmaker for so long is starting to weigh down on me and i'm starting to wonder if i really want a part of the brutal business, as much as i'd rather be a michel gondry with no schooling on film and more with being a graphic design genius recognized. i don't know what i want, i just know i love film, but i have so much love of so much else that i'm becoming so lost and unable to sort out my loves from my likes and having difficulty discovering what i want.