leaves in the river

i just felt like writing today. i need to vent before i start on my homework, i suppose. ugh, i'm just in love, i guess. nothing really new outside of it. we've just been spending a lot of time together since last week. last friday we pretty much were either with each other or talking to each other for around 10 hours. that's almost half a day, hah. if not my love interest, we have pretty much become like best friends. we like all the same things and our conversations are never boring. we legit talk for hours, no exaggeration. he made me some cds this week. my favorite is the mix he made me. i didn't ask him to, he just did. it overwhelmed me so much because when i heard mahgeetah by my morning jacket on it.. i just really started to think this might be who i want. not like a small want, like a big rest of my life type want, which is sort of scary and a big leap for my small mind. why i thought this? i'm not sure. i guess it's just some sort of weird intuition. who knows. i was felt like i was going to cry around the end when i heard leaves in the river by sea wolf. i fell in love with that song, and i fell in love with him. it just all meant so much. the fact that i didn't ask him and it was sort of spontaneous was cute and the surprise of it just made it all that much better. haha, in that moment i forced my dad to bring me to go get some blank cds. i made him two mixes and gave them to him yesterday. we spent a good few hours together yesterday. we can just keep a conversation for so long that time goes by so quickly when we're together. i just totally blew off what i was supposed to be doing after school to just be with him, and he stayed after for no real reason, but we just hung out the whole time. i looked through his entire iPod, mostly. it's insane how many bands we have in common, and it's so much fun to talk about it. it's just like, this time it's not about being nice, being hot or wanting sex... well at least for me it's not. we're just such good friends and we match so well i just love him for everything he is. we can have deep conversation, but still act like asses together. i just love that sort of freedom. i don't have to act a certain way all the time, i can be myself. i feel like i don't have to hold anything back and i feel like he doesn't either. i mean, he's not the most perfect person i've ever met, but he is the most perfect for me. there are things he has that i don't have, and there are things i have that he doesn't. just some people you feel like you want to, or have to know. he is able to recommend me good music and good movies that i haven't heard or seen, and i'm able to do the same. it's like, we have the perfect amount in common and the perfect amount not in common. we have just enough that we can still tell each other about different things. i just feel like there is so much i can learn from him, but so much i want to show him, just to see what he'd think. what sort of scared me today is how sure i feel that he feels the same. i'm usually somewhat of a secretly jealous person. i don't like to tell people when i feel jealous, because i feel like so many people get jealous so easily that being laid back is the best way to be. i'm not sure if i've just finally become completely laid back, or if it's just i feel so confident that he's in love with me that i don't care what he does or who he's with. either way, i just feel no jealousy when he's with anyone else at all, and it scares me, but at the same time, i feel like that's an achievement of sorts. i don't worry about anything else because all i really care about is what he thinks and what i think. i like the feeling of it. i just don't care if we stay friends or become more than friends, really anymore. a relationship would be nice, but all i really want up to now is to just be with him all the time. as long as we can be together and have good conversation and stuff, i'm good.